Women have many fears. Men fear nothing.
This is not to imply that men are fearless – not so! Men have one great fear, and what they fear is nothing – because man comes from nothing. Man was created from nothing (dust) and will return to nothing (dust.) Thus, man’s primal memory is of nothingness. G-d fashioned man out of earth and breathed into him a life – man existed before he lived – this memory of nothingness haunts man all his life and make him desperate to prove that he is something.
Men have a more fragile ego which they hope to hide with their machismo. To a man, every slight or criticism suggests that he is, in the end, really nothing. That hurts. Man is afraid of his own annihilation; women have no such fear.
Woman was created from a living man. Her primal memory is of being a man. Crush a woman’s spirit and she will revert to primordial state by losing her identity in some guy. She will become him. Crush a man and he will become a nothing.
Treat a man like dirt and he is frightened. Treat a woman like dirt and she is indignant.
Man needs to go from zero to one and always worries whether he made it. Woman needs to go from one to ten; for her zero is not in the equation.
When Hillel told the man on one foot “That which is hateful to you do not do unto to others” he was referring to ‘that’ thing which all men hate – being reminded of their nothingness.
Men spend their lives trying to prove themselves. Wealth, power, fame, women. Whatever goes from zero to sixty, but none of it works.
The most accomplished men have not rid themselves of this demon. One misstep, one criticism can cause annihilation. The most powerful men are often the most paranoid.
Now we know why men are not comfortable with what s not: “It’s not about you” or “its not what you have that counts” or “ask not…” or “Thou shalt not”.
Men just don’t like what is not. It suggests nothingness. In fact, men don’t even like ‘no.’ Being told ‘no’ destroys a man because he hears ‘no-thing’ and he must protect himself from annihilation. (A woman should never be in a position where she has to say ‘no’ to a man she likes.)
But… however… on the other hand… conversely, should a man accept his nothingness and make peace with the fact, he will free himself of his demon. Humility for a man is life-giving: “If in fact I am nothing and it is not about me, then whom shall I serve? What good shall I do? I am available. Send me. “Hineini!”
Hineini means, “I have resolved my obsession with survival, I have disarmed my ghost that haunts men and I am not longer distracted. So what do you need?”
Whereas women are capable of nurturing by nature – “I am something, I don’t need to ‘become’, so if someone does need I can help” – men can become nurturers if and when they become comfortable with their insignificance. This leads us to another subject: intimacy. But enough already….