A man told Rabbi Friedman “I love everything about my wife!”
“Very nice,” said Rabbi Friedman, “but do you love her?”
“What about her?” asked the man.
When a man marries a woman for her money, or vise versa, we all condemn it, because the marriage is a sham. He is not marrying her, he is marrying the money, with her as the proxy. In other words, if he could get the money without her, he’d gladly dump her.
Marrying for money is obviously wrong, but in truth, marrying for any “thing” is wrong.
If a man says that he’s marrying a woman because of her kindness, or her intelligence, or her sense of humor, or her family, then he isn’t marrying her, he is marrying kindness or intelligence or a sense of humor, or a family!
On a deeper level, when a man says “I’m going to marry that woman because i love her and she loves me,” he is making the same mistake. He won’t be marrying her, he’s marrying the love, and as soon as the love fades, the marriage is over. Ch”Sh.
The only way to have a real marriage is to marry for the sake of being married. When a man who wants to get married meets a woman who wants to get married, they can have a real marriage.
In other words, when a man who wants to forget about himself, and become one with, and devote himself to a woman, meets a woman who wants to forget about herself, and become one with, and devote herself to a man, they have a marriage. They have each other.