In relationships, there’s a big difference between “seeing” and “listening.”
It is very healthy for couples to respect each other’s privacy.
One of the most important duties of a spouse, is to help his/her spouse protect his/her dignity. Part of that is helping the spouse protect his/her secrets.
There will inevitably be things that a spouse will feel uncomfortable sharing. Our job is to protect that sensitive area, and help our spouse keep it private.
People put up psychological curtains to hide and protect certain sensitive information and emotions. Tearing down your partners curtains is wrong. It is not right to poke around where we are not invited.
Our responsibility to each other is to be sensitive to each other’s sensitivities, not to try to fix them. To fix them is a therapist’s job, not a spouse’s.
When we marry someone, we marry all of them, including theirs masks, curtains, and sensitivities.
Humans are selfish beings by nature, we all look after ourselves, we are constantly protecting ourselves. We get offended, and we offend easily. So what makes relationships possible?
In order to have relationships, we must raise our spiritual values above the material. And that is what Judaism is all about.
The Torah tells us that men and women who are not related should not engage in any physical contact, no hugs, no handshakes, not even a high five.
Why can’t we serve God our own way? Why do we need to follow rigid rules?
Do Jews believe in hell?
Jews do not believe in eternal damnation, because it has no purpose. What’s the point of making someone suffer forever and ever? Eternal pain is just cruelty, and there is no cruelty in Judaism.
What do we believe? We do believe in a hell, but it’s not payback from God. It’s a process. Hell means the process of burning away the bad in a person to bring out the good. Then, once the soul is only good, the soul leaves hell and goes to heaven. The purpose of hell is to prepare the soul for heaven.
If someone is all bad, they don’t go to hell. They don’t deserve it.
Judaism and pointless cruelty are not compatible. They cannot coexist. We need to dump ideas that promote it.
People say that the secret to Chabad’s success is how non-judgmental we are.
That, however, is not true.
Chabad is very judgmental.
After 200 years of study, Chabad philosophy came to a very firm conclusion: Everyone is necessary.
Every individual is important to God.
Chabad believes that you are needed, you have a purpose, that God needs you.
That is our verdict.
When people live together, sometimes they can get so close that they lose respect for each other, and start treating each other horribly. As the saying goes “familiarity breeds contempt.”
We see people who are kind and good when they are out, but at home with their family are completely different.
How do we fix this?
How do we put up the proper boundaries without creating distance in a family?
The key is dignity and modesty. We need to act with dignity and treat the people we care about with dignity.
Fathers tell their daughters “don’t go out dressed like that!”
But perhaps it’s the opposite. Fathers should tell their daughters “don’t dress like that in the house! You can dress like that when you’re outside, but not in the home!” If we wouldn’t meet a stranger dressed immodestly, we should never be with out family dressed immodestly. Our family members deserve the utmost dignity and respect.