How Can Selfish Humans Have A Relationship?

Humans are selfish beings by nature, we all look after ourselves, we are constantly protecting ourselves. We get offended, and we offend easily. So what makes relationships possible?

The Tanya says that we have two souls, a Godly Soul, and an Animal Soul. The Godly Soul is eternal and holy. The Animal Soul is mortal and unholy.
Because the Animal Soul is mortal, it is insecure. It knows it’s existence will end, and even while it does exist, it’s existence is limited and empty, unlike the Godly Soul which is literally a part of God. This is why we get offended so easily. Any time we are made light of and are not taken seriously, our reaction is exaggerated by our Animal Soul’s constant insecurity.
But in truth, it’s even worse. Not only does an insult awaken fear and insecurity in our Animal Soul, the very existence of another offends our Animal Soul, because it highlights the limits to the Animal Soul’s existence.
The only way the Animal Soul can have a relationship with another is if the other becomes a satellite of, and is dominated by, us. But that is a toxic relationship that will make both worse.
How then are relationships possible?
The only way we can have a real relationship, is if we value our own Godly Soul more than our Animal Soul. If we value the immortal part of ourselves more than our mortal part, then we won’t be threatened by others, and only then we can have a relationship.
In other words, if we value the eternal and holy values that we have over the earthly and mortal parts, we can have a real relationship.

In order to have relationships, we must raise our spiritual values above the material. And that is what Judaism is all about.

For more food for thought on improving your  relationships, click here to download Rabbi Friedman’s free audio book:


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