It’s very important to talk through a shadchan.
When you talk straight to the person you are dating, things can become uncomfortable and confusing.
If you talk straight to him, once you’ve made up your mind and tell him you’re ready, if he isn’t ready yet, he’ll feel bad that he hasn’t made a decision yet. He’ll feel pressured from your decision and may feel like he is taking too much time to decide.
He’ll also feel weird proposing because you’ve already told him that you want to marry him.
Don’t tell him you’re ready unless he asks – and he shouldn’t ask until the Shadchan tells him to. The shadchan will only tell him to ask once she has spoken to you and you’ve agreed.
(If you aren’t sure how your shadchan handles these situations, ask her.)
This way, you don’t have to go through the awkwardness and hurtfulness of saying no to a man’s proposal, and he has it slightly easier in dealing with the rejection.
That’s the beauty of the system – it’s designed so that nobody will get hurt.
